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Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Currently Listening
Wincing the Night Away
By The Shins
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Unchained Melody

Wow its been quite some time since I updated this lovely/ lonely xanga. I used to think that i would be judged by everyone for having one of these but now not so much. My first year at CMU went pretty well. I had many ups and downs but I think that after being home for the summer I will grow up and realized what is really important to me. Like my friendships and my sisterhood and both of those really mean a lot to me. I have messed up a few things with them and I never want to do that again. I never want to put guys before my sisters again even if/ when I get a boyfriend. I know that they will be there for me in the end and that some guy wont. I am finally seeing what is important to me and after school and family my sisters are most important. I have friends back home that are amazing and will always be there for me. One being Jo, shes fantastic and I dont know what I will do without her. Now that Drey is on his mission her and I can hopefully get closer. I like Drey though hes a good guy. I dont understand his religion but he makes Jo happy and thats all that matters! I wish I could find that. I definately look in the wrong places though. I go for the ones that are more willing to give it up or is it that I am too willing to give it up and I attract the guys that it means nothing to? I think thats it maybe if I slooooooooooow waaaaaayyyy dowwwwn and just take time to get to know someone I can learn more and hopefully gain more respect from someone. I dunno someone needs to be super awesome to change my singularity.

Friday, 29 February 2008

Currently Listening
This Desert Life
By Counting Crows
Colorblind
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I never really thought about what it means to be who and what I am. Thinking about it I am a strong woman who lets NO ONE deface her character. I have a very special bond with my mother. I am her sister, and being her sister in Sigma Sigma Sigma means more to me than the air I breathe. She made me who I am and the fact that I was chosen by these women proves that I one day can be like my mother. I know most women don't say that but I want to be like her. Hard as Nails with a Heart of Pure Gold. A Woman who takes crap from no one but loves her life and the air she breathes. I have had to analyze in my mind what being a Tri Sigma is...I never had the correct answer. But then one day I looked in to Diane Husk's eyes and realized a Tri Sigma is a woman who is strong and independent. A woman who lets no man tell her who she is. A woman who marches to the beat of her own drummer but fits in perfectly with her sisters.

I am lucky to have these women. I love them more than words can express. And if I EVER lost my sisters My life would be over. I came to college not to find my husband but to find my place and it is with the fine women of Sigma Sigma Sigma that I found my place. Most people would say I do not take being a sister seriously but I look at my mothers plaque that hangs on my wall and realize this is my life and where I need to be. No one will ever take that from me. I bleed purple and white...I dream skull and crossbones...I live for "Ever Moving Forward" Every woman in this group has touched my life so much. They have helped me survive in this crazy world. I love my Big and my family tree. I love my Little....who I do not want to dissapoint. I found my bridesmaids...sorry but my maid of honor is a Kappa Delta!!! I finally found my home. And through tears I learn that I must stay true...and live up to an image that it held to high standards. I have always attempted to live my life like Audrey Hepburn but no lady can match up to her. Tri Sigma has helped me find my self and who I want to be. I don't think they know but they came into my life at the right time. There are things I am working out but this sisterhood means everything to me. I cannot lose it. I love and value it too much.
Ah...well I could go on but I am sleepy therefore I am ending this blog here!!!
<3 Me!

Thursday, 31 January 2008

Currently Listening
It Won't Be Soon Before Long
By Maroon 5
Won't Go Home Without You
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The beginning of this year has been hard on me. My best friend moved to Georgia. Which is further than I would like. No one knows really how hard this has been on me. It's like losing a best-friend. It's hard because the things I could share with her I can't now because I cannot talk to her. I've tried...but I know she's really busy. It sucks because I wish I were able to be there to help her set up her new place or at least help her move in. Like she did for me. I'm so proud of her for taking the initiative to finally make her life her own. I know she's happy...and I feel selfish for being upset that shes gone. I just wish there was a way to change geography so georgia was closer or that my life and everything in it was there. I really miss her and it's hard not talking to her. But I would rather have her be happy thousands of miles away from me, than have her be unhappy and be 400 miles away.
So Kat, if you do read this just know that I really really miss you and want you to come home and visit me. If you ever get the chance.

Tuesday, 23 October 2007

This may seem to some as an over reaction but I think that this needs to be said. I have done my fair share of partying and have made some BAD decisions when I have been drinking. But beyond that I sacrificed my mental health so I could have some beers and some shots . I'm not saying that I am completely unhinged but I have my issues. I have come to realize today that my happiness is more important than a drink. I know that it's cliche but I've never felt good after and the last time I drank I was just out of control. So I guess this is my vow to stay sober as long as I am needing to be on my medicine. I may be fine in a few months or I may never be but I think that I need to be smart and just give it up for now. I can do that....I hope.

Friday, 19 October 2007

Currently Listening
Nothing Left to Lose
By Mat Kearney
Chicago
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You could get tired when the cosmos just says more of the same old thing. It's a familiar message for you, but today it feels easier as sweet Venus harmonizes with your key planet Pluto. Go to the depths, then go even deeper. Let go of control. Feel it all -- the love and the pain. You already know that your thoughts are merely a distraction. Magical metamorphosis is ready to happen if you let it."

That is what my horoscope said today I usually just look at it and go "huh....that's interesting." It seems like many of my friends are having those "I'm trying to figure my life out moments" quite honestly I am too. I am forcing myself to improve in school because I want to succeed I want to get out of my 2,042 dollars of voluntary debt because I can't seem to not but stuff. I'm thinking as far as career goes that I should possibly take the LSAT or a least prepare for it if I want to be a lawyer. However, my plan has always been to work at a Law Firm as their minyon aka "go to office girl" so I can pay off my school debts. I mean what can a degree in International Relations and Comparative Politics offer me. I'm still going to do it mainly because of my inner passions. I feel like at times I hide parts of me from certain people like my love of law and chicago cubs baseball from my family. I watched baseball all summer...I root for the little guy because frankly they deserve it! I miss my best friend dearly I wish I could figure out how to be in 2 places at once because then I could quite possibly have my entire self. Not being close to Kat has made me lose some of my best qualities because I know that she is the only one who really "gets me." and doesn't care how dumb I am 95% of the time. I have made a few choices up here that I am not proud of however for every 1 bad choice there are 2 good ones. I lost a friendship because of my temper. However, now that I look at it I realize that I was being held back there too. I mean I never meant for things tow get the way they did but I believe in things happening for a reason and my friendship ending is one of those things that I don't let bother me. Joining a Sorority is by far the best decision I have made up here I made like 50 new friends instantly. Also, me choosing to join Tri Sigma has created a whole new chapter in my mom and my relationship. It's pretty cool to actually have a tradition like this in my family.

I keep dreaming of Chicago, I want to start my life there after college part of me wants to pack up everything and move into an apartment and get a job when i get there. Hey it may be easier considering it's not good ole michigan. Chicago is where I belong. I don't belong in a dying city inside an economically disasterous state. I want to be somewhere that has life. I love Jazz and Baseball....where else would I go? I want to live and I know being 8 hours and a whole timezone away will kill my mom but at least it's only an hour behind. I could go to London which is my next step!!!! I have had much to evaluate in my life. I'm tired of being romantically deprived. I would love to be in a relationship again and actually make it work. But I guess at the moment thats not for me. Being un-lucky in the love area gets awfully lonely.
hopefully I can get the stamina and the drive to improve my grades and graduate college proudly and move to my dream city....